setting small daily goals {like keep child alive}

liam and i survived our first day sans will this week. sadly, survival was all we accomplished.

i set two small goals for our 8 hours: empty the dishwasher. change the sheets.

when will got home, the dishwasher was open and the sheets were off the bed. fail. for next week, when we're by ourselves all day every day, survival will be our only goal. let's not go crazy. i'm getting less and less done each day now that liam is awake more, and subsequently needing to be attached to my boob more. at our doctor appointment this week, since his weight looks good (7lb 9oz!), they told me to feed him every 3 hours during the day and not to wake him at night. now, feedings are taking 45-60 minutes instead of 20-30.

at 2.5 weeks old, our "schedule" is something like: wake up to happy, stretchy foosa making sweet little bird noises. change diaper and outfit without any crying. breakfast boob. "entertain" foosa and attempt to get a shower, or at least brush my teeth. lunch boob. plan any daily activities around future boob and diaper needs. when 5:00 starts rolling around, foosa can only think about boob and demands nursing for the next 4ish hours at which point he might give up and take a 2 hour nap. around 11, i nurse foosa and we go to bed. here's our big problem: we have a cosleeper (crib thingy attached to the side of the bed) that foosa will sleep in for maybe 2 hour stretches if we're lucky. but, if i let foosa sleep right next to me, he wakes up only once or twice. 5 hour stretches of sleep are freaking hard to turn down, so yes, i've been letting foosa sleep next to me. bedsharing was not something we planned to do. i'm not sure if we'll continue on the bedsharing route for the remainder of foosa's time in our bedroom (we'll get him in his crib before my maternity leave is over - july 26. sad face.), like i said, survival is the only goal right now and waking up twice instead of 37 times at night makes you a completely different human the next day.

alright, the little man just fell asleep, so i need to go get some cleaning and laundry done. i do keep meaning to write about my recovery - i should have taken daily pictures of my belly to see it disappear. it literally goes down more and more each day. i have 16 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. i'm sure as soon as i can start running again those will come off - just 3 more weeks, i can't wait!

have a good weekend, friends!

birth story {the one that ends with a foosa}

alright, here's the biggest, most empowering story of my entire life - the birth of my little foosa.

i keep trying to relive the day in my head so i don't forget any details. it was perfect.

of course it started a couple days before with the prolonged early labor then my high blood pressure and doctor's advice to induce just prior to 40 weeks as she feared i was heading toward preeclampsia. monday night, will and i cleaned the house and grilled our last dinner as just the two of us. i tried keeping a positive attitude but couldn't help feeling i was being cheated by the induction - my body was still contracting but refused to go into active labor. will googled pressure points and proceeded to press on my ankles when we got in bed...i still woke up pregnant with the same contractions. i ate some cereal and tried my hardest to poop. i did not want to poop the damn table. no such luck. so i downed a protein shake and a gatorade as i bounced on the birth ball. i needed all the fuel i could get.

we arrived at the hospital tuesday morning at 7:30 for the induction - the plan was to break my water and see what happened. my measly contractions were still kicking every 5 minutes. we were shown to our room and nurse leah got me set up while will got a few things out of the car - including the fabulous nurse basket we made which was a huge hit. nurses were thanking us the whole day :) and they really did deserve it, everyone was unbelievably wonderful.

here i am, ready to have a baby! (notice the stork towel animal - it was the baby cruise)
so nurse leah hooked me up to my antibiotics (for the gbs) and told me dr. p wanted to hold off on breaking my water for 4 hours just in case i would go super fast - the antibiotics had to be in my system for 4 hours before delivery. this threw off my plan immediately since i would be completely out of fuel by the time they broke my water and real labor began - i knew i couldn't survive on no fuel so will and i commenced operation bagel sneak - and i chowed down 2 bagels in the bathroom over the next few hours. these saved my life.

at 11:30, dr. p showed up to break my water. it was pretty painless but foosa's heartrate dropped immediately so i had to lay on my side for 15 minutes and ensure it came back up, which it did. then i was given a massive pad and free roam to labor. contractions started picking up immediately - will and i roamed the halls and stopped to breathe through the contractions. they were 4-7 minutes apart. after 2 hours of that, dr. p saw us in the hall and said she wanted to check my progress soon. i bargained for one more hour which she agreed to.

at 2:15, dr. p checked me - i was at 5cm (started at 4cm)! i was excited but dr. p was not thrilled. i knew i was on her time schedule now. doctors like to see 1 cm "progress" per hour - she gave my body zero credit for doing great and progressing on it's own. she said she'd give me another hour then talk about our options.

back to the halls we went. i walked faster, the contractions intensified. at 3:30, dr. p checked and i was still at 5cm. she was disappointed with this lack of measurable progress. she said she wanted to see the contractions much closer together so we could get some nice progress. i knew this would happen, so i reluctantly agreed to a small pitocin drip. leah came in immediately and hooked it up. the contractions intensified immediately. will filled the bath tub and the three of us prepared for the intense labor that was about to ensue.

i had been so excited to labor in the deep soaking tub - sadly i was too damn tall for it and couldn't find a comfortable position. we even had the lights off and the small battery candles around the bathroom. leah had propped up towels and suggested positions that worked for others. i tried leaning over the side while will rubbed my back, but whenever he touched my back during a contraction it felt like i needed to take a giant poop and told him to stop. i liked him rubbing my legs and arms. after a short time in the tub, i got out and labored on the toilet. sitting down caused the wireless monitor to move enough that it wasn't picking up the foosa and every few minutes and nurse would join us in the bathroom to adjust it. nothing like being butt naked on a toilet with a bunch of people - at that point though i really couldn't care.

at 5:00, dr. p joined our bathroom party to let me know she was leaving for the day and was sad she wouldn't be delivering me - she told me dr. t was taking over. i asked leah her thoughts on dr. t - if she would be on the same strict time table as dr. r. she said pretty much all the doctors from the practice are the same. i had no idea leah had turned up the pitocin drip from 2 to 6, she said that was even less than what dr. p had ordered. bless her. i started standing and swaying my hips during contractions and feeling like i couldn't do it. i kept repeating to will and leah "i don't want the epidural! i don't want it!" and they would look at me and say what a great job i was doing and point out that no one was offering an epidural - i guess i was more reminding myself than anything. i cursed a couple times through contractions then apologized for it - i told them i thought i would be better at this and leah assured me i was doing great but i needed to find a more comfortable position. will suggested we go try hands and knees on the bed and at that point i started to shake. they checked me and i was at 7cm (this was around 5:30). they told the doctor to be there around 8.

the next hour was a blur. i remember having only seconds between contractions and having to stand and cling to will for dear life through each one while still trying to relax and let the baby down. i kept telling will i was going to die and i was still telling everyone how much i didn't want the epidural. i started thinking i wouldn't be able to keep this up a couple more hours and begged leah to give me a 15 minute break from the pitocin. she said she couldn't do that because it could cause a dysfunctional labor and risk a c-section. "can't be dysfunctional!" i said to her. shortly after that, i got the urge to push during contractions. at first, i wasn't sure if it was just in my head because i wanted the contractions to be over so badly. i told will who then told leah when she came in the room. she didn't really believe it until the next contraction when i started grunting and exclaiming that i did, indeed, have to push. i asked if i could and she said no, she had to check me. as soon as the contraction ended, i jumped on the bed. she said there was a teeny lip left so not to push yet - just breathe through them. at that point, she called everyone to get setup and get the dr in there! i remember will looking at me with the biggest smile, telling me i had done it and we were about to have a baby!

i tried breathing through the next contraction but my body had other plans and i began pushing involuntarily. leah said to go ahead and start pushing - she held one of my legs and will held the other. i gave a good push and leah said his head was already right there - will told me he could see it! leah said the doctor had better get in there or she was going to be delivery the baby. they asked if i wanted a mirror and i said yes. dr. t arrived right about then and a couple more nurses came in to help. with the next contraction, i could see his head and his dark hair. i could also feel myself pooping. i was mortified and told everyone to which they said "don't worry about it, you're not" and i said "yes i am! i can smell it!". oh how lovely. but it was such a small pooplett and dr. t threw the pad away immediately - definitely not the nightmare poop situation i had been expecting.

with the next contraction, i pushed with all my might. i shut my eyes and everyone said "he's coming!" i could feel his head and it was just a small burning, definitely not the ring of fire i had heard about. in that instant, i knew i didn't want his head just chilling out of my vag so i took a deep breath and pushed as hard as i could. he came shooting out. it was the strangest feeling - his whole slippery body exiting my body, i could feel everything. will said he shot out so quickly, he had no clue how the dr caught him. but she did and they threw him on my chest. i could not believe he was already out. i was ecstatic. i had done it!

they began wiping him off on my chest and i was smiling and kissing him. he had a giant cone head and was screaming immediately. he was completely perfect and i was instantly more in love and attached than i could have ever imagined. i'll never forget that moment.
will kissed me and told me he loved me. we looked at our little man for a few minutes until dr. t announced the cord had stopped pulsating and will could cut it. will said it was "chewy".
the placenta came out with the next contraction - i barely had to push. will took a few pictures of it as dr. t gave us the national geographic placenta tour. i'll go ahead and spare you those.

i was then informed that i did tear. 2nd degree. the next 20 minutes were the worst part of the birth. i was given about 20 shots of a local and could feel every stitch. i tried to focus on our little foosa which helped a ton, but i still asked will to hold my hand a few times.

they weighed little foosa (6 lb 15 oz, what a peanut!), measured him (20.25"), and took his little prints.



dr. t with our little foosa:our fabulous nurse, leah:

after i was all stitched up, they put an ice pack on me and let me know my mom and sister were outside (they got to the hospital right before i started pushing after a couple hours with no text updates) - i said to let them in.

it was a surreal moment, showing off our new little foosa.



it's been a great 4 days so far with our new little family. we're trying to soak up all these little moments - i know this time will go by too quickly.