it's such a bitch.
but it can also be such a blessing.
i'll go ahead and admit that i mostly fail at facebook. and that's ok with me. lately, i've been failing at updating this blog, and that's ok, too. life is happening. lots of life.
but instagram? i'll openly admit that i love it. i'm thankful for it. i know it can be both a blessing and curse to many. i know it can be hard to be bombarded with the highlight reels of others. it makes them look perfect - it leaves far too much room for judgment - both of yourself and them.
and i have zero problem admitting my ig photos are highlights. they're the 2% of magic that happens daily in my life and i'm blessed when i have my phone in my pocket to pull out and quickly snap that moment.
of course there's 98% of my day that's not plastered on instagram. 98% of my messy life - of cleaning up poop off the carpet because eliot loves to poop on carpet. of me burning dinners and losing my patience with my kids. of my kids fighting and sitting in timeout and screaming their faces off. of fights over brushing teeth or eating 3 bites of dinner. of trying on clothes that my mama body doesn't fit into anymore and feeling bad about myself. of finding yet another wrinkle, another ant in my kitchen, another pile of dirty clothes. of the hour i said fuck it and let frozen entertain my kids so i could get some work done. all of that happens at your house? yes, mine too. it's cool if you're not whipping out your phone to share it with me.
but those 2 seconds of magic that you're able to capture and plaster on your ig feed? please keep doing it. plaster the shit out of those 2 seconds because i love celebrating life with you. if i've met you in real life, if we've bonded on message boards or on this blog or your blog. motherhood can be lonely and finding mamas you click with isn't easy. social media helps a bit and i don't mind admitting i've made a few lovely friends through it. friends who we've gone out of our way on trips to meet, friends who have been so loving and generous to my babes, friends i feel like i've known for years. and it's really an honor to follow their 2% of daily magic. because i know it's just that - 2%. they also have messy rooms not pictured. screaming kids. they're probably snapping the damn photo braless with no makeup. and that's awesome. and if you did get a bra on today and some mascara and felt like getting behind that camera for a selfie with your babe? rock on. i completely understand that's not an everyday occurrence. in no way does it make me feel bad for not washing my hair in three days.
i've spent many, many moments scrolling my own feed at work. missing my babes and being able to pull up those magic moments. they immediately take me back and i can hear liam's sweet voice and feel eliot's delicious chub. they help get me through the day, through the pumping session, through a moment of frustration when i just need a reminder of what's truly important - those faces. those smiles. those moments of pure magic.
i have zero regrets of pulling out my phone during these moments and capturing them. i'm thankful i have them. i print them and hang them on my walls. these are the fastest years and while i'm sitting here at my desk and time is dragging on, i'm itching to get home and squeeze these babes who are bigger than they were yesterday. i woke up at 5:30 this morning and got eliot out of her crib to sleep nurse her before putting her back in her crib, getting dressed and heading to this lonely desk where i sit. right now, they're probably laughing and playing in our backyard with our sitter and that breaks my heart. but i can look at these moments i have with them and know in a few hours i get to head home and spend a few precious hours with them before tucking them in bed once again. if magic happens and my phone is nearby, you're damn sure i'll be snapping it and probably sharing it as i nurse eliot to sleep so i can pull it back out tomorrow and savor away.
if you want to savor along with me, that's lovely. please know it's just 2% though.
