at my 41 week appointment, my induction was set and the midwife requested to check my cervix to make a plan. when she said i was sitting at 6cm, i felt completely defeated. my body was doing nothing wrong - blood pressure was normal, baby was doing great - but they wouldn't let me cook the baby longer than 41.5 weeks. i was being forced to give up on my body and i was devastated knowing that, once again, i wouldn't get to experience spontaneous labor. i wasn't sure what was keeping this baby in - perhaps too many cheeseburgers. i gained a whopping 54 pounds. i was certain there was a 10+ pound baby in there.
so the day before my induction, i took liam out to be spoiled as the only child. we got soft pretzels and rode the train at the mall - the obnoxious one i swore we would never take him on. over the last month, there were many days that i thought were sure to be his last as an only child. i made sure to take him to the park and haul my giant belly down the slides with him, hunt for buses, spend extra time playing trucks…always dealing with somewhat regular contractions, and always waking up the next day still pregnant. in hindsight, it was nice having all that extra time to just enjoy him.
we got liam in bed the night before the scheduled induction and i was too exhausted to get emotional about it being the last night. we cleaned, finished up work, finally packed the hospital bag…and got into bed just before midnight.
i was irritated when i was woken up around 2am with a sharp contraction. 13 minutes later, another came. this was nothing new, but i was darn ticked these contractions were ruining my last night of blissful uninterrupted sleep. i tried hard to fall back asleep between them. around 3:30am, they were so painful that i was moaning and waking will up. he jumped right in and started rubbing my sides and legs during them. they got about 6 minutes apart and we decided to go downstairs, make cinnamon rolls and watch tv.
once they got down to 5 minutes, i let myself believe that i was finally in real, active labor. i called my mom and she came over in case we decided to go to the hospital before our scheduled time (7:30am). as soon as she walked in the door, the contractions spaced back out to 10 minutes. not long after that, liam woke up and i got the giant hug i needed from him. it was as if my body was waiting for that hug. my mom took him over to her house and the contractions immediately picked back up.
after a really painful one, i said it was time to go. so we went. will asked if i was up for stopping to grab donuts for the nurses on the way - sure why not. i'll always remember trailing behind him through that grocery store - grabbing my belly during contractions. surely looking like i was about to give birth right in the bakery section.
we got to the hospital at 7:45am. i had a contraction in the parking lot and decided to just tell them i was here for my scheduled induction so i didn't have to go through triage. we dropped off the donuts to a very appreciative nurses station and were shown to our room. as soon as we got in, another contraction hit and i told nurse sue that they had been going for a few hours now. she hooked me up to monitors and there was a rush to get my antibiotics going (i was gbs+ once again).
i felt very relaxed though. contractions were awful laying down, but i'm used to pitocin contractions from liam's birth, so i knew i was still nowhere close to delivering. maybe my cervix was closing up i thought - maybe i'm only at a 2 now. i was sure i'd be laboring for a while longer.
our midwife, margie, showed up not long after and said i was having some great contractions. after one ended, she asked to check me. i still wasn't in the pain i was with liam, so i was shocked when she said i was at 9cm. i felt like i had hardly done anything to get to this point. with liam, i was clinging to will for dear life and swearing i was going to die.
there was no swearing. i just buried my head into will's chest during contractions and we swayed together. he rubbed my arms and sides and told me how great i was doing. he was once again a fabulous coach and gave the same amazed look when we both knew i'd be pushing soon. that look of "oh my gosh, you're about to give birth to my child". it's the most amazing feeling.
sure enough, pushing was about to begin. margie had dimmed the lights and turned on relaxing spa music. i told her i didn't want to lay on my back to push like i did with liam. so she gave me options - they brought in a birthing stool that i could squat on or bars that i could use to squat on the bed with.
suddenly, my body said it was time to push. i couldn't make up my mind in that instant of where i wanted to be, so i just climbed on all fours on the bed and things got very, very national geographic.
i started pushing and realized i was going to give birth to this baby like an animal. i was completely naked, growling with contractions and trying to control my pushing. pushing felt much different in this position - i couldn't tell if i was getting the baby out or just taking a giant poop all over the midwife. margie assured me i was doing a fabulous job and there was no poop - just a baby coming. i pushed for a couple contractions, then a big one came and i pushed hard. the head came out and i heard margie say the cord was wrapped once and to stop pushing for a moment. she unwrapped it quickly and i pushed again and felt the same bizarre feeling as the slippery body exited mine. in that second, i remembered feeling liam be born. it's an amazing feeling - one i will never forget.
i was still on my hands and knees when margie said "it's a girl!" they helped me turn around and they placed her on my chest. i burst into tears. margie asked what her name was and i said eliot ruby.
the baby that i was certain would be a 10 pound boy was just a 7.7lb little girl. she looked so much like liam. i kissed her, i kissed will, i thanked margie. will cut the cord and we soaked her in. i'm so blessed to have that moment with my babies. it never matters where we are - just staring into their eyes for the first time and telling them how much i love them. it's instant perfection. instant bliss.
eliot took to breastfeeding like a champ. i had a small tear and margie did a few stitches - always the worst part of a birth for me. the placenta delivered soon after and everyone congratulated me on an amazing birth - i felt wonderful.
after lots of snuggles and a delicious plate of fruit, i used the bathroom then got to go with will to give eliot her first bath.
for the hospital birth that i never wanted, it was beyond perfect. the horrible downside has been the hospital is on flu lockdown and we can't have any visitors - only grandparents. this means i haven't seen liam in over 24 hours and he's yet to meet baby ewiot. my heart is going to explode when that moment finally arrives.
for now, i'm snuggling this precious new life and feeling very blessed.
