the 4 month state of my body address {the things no one tells you}

ok, so after i told you all about pooping the table and my nightmare stitches...and having to drink to have sex now...i decided it's time for the next overshare on the mama body. because i always wondered these things. and no one talks about them.

exactly 4 months after foosa's exit, i have 3 pesky pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. all my jeans finally fit again. but everything is looser (not the clothes, the skin). all my friends said the weight will come off but everything will be different. yep, i can say that's accurate. overall, i'm happy with my body - it has, after all, produced and nurtured a human for the past year. so it's all fine and great that my belly is still in the 12 week pregnant state. i do eat dessert every night now so i guess i can't be expecting too much. i have worked hard though - i've been back to running 15-20 miles a week since about 6 weeks postpartum. just recently though, the vag hasn't hurt after a run. tmi? probably, but i had no clue i'd be getting sore down there months after delivery just from running. why does nobody tell you anything?

since we're heading down the tmi road...i'll just keep going. let me tell you about pooping. no one told me that it would hurt to poop even after all the stitches healed. the first couple months were filled with painful poops (i shit you not, it will feel like you're trying to poop a razor) and tons of hemorrhoids (prior to pregnancy i had no idea what the hell a hemorrhoid was...i thought those were problems of 90 year old men). let me just say tucks are a postpartum mama's best friend. and dermoplast...i would go to town spraying that shit. that super owie vag phase lasted about 4 weeks and that was also about the time the bleeding stopped...and at that point, will and i started talking about sex again - we were both prepared to wait until i was cleared at my 6 week postpartum appointment. so after we got the go ahead, we went. but we didn't get far. holy crap did it hurt. for some reason, i always thought pushing a human through your vag would make it...bigger? no. that shit closes shop afterwards. it seemed to get even smaller at the sight of will's penis, like it was caving in on itself as a defense mechanism. it took us a few tries to even finish and the aftermath was not pretty. well, 4 months later, it still hurts. it's feeling better, but absolutely not like before.

on the upside, i still haven't gotten my period (thank you, breastfeeding). and my stomach was left with no stretch marks (amazing), instead, they decided to raid my ass and thighs. it's stretch mark city all over that region. my ass even looks depressed about it's current state, as it's taken a new, flattened and deflated look and headed south. the ladies have also migrated a bit :( bye bye, perky boobs (again, thank you, breastfeeding. but you are worth it)

my skin is finally clear - i broke out horribly toward the end of the pregnancy, even on my neck, chest and back like a 16 year old boy - ick! and it lingered for a couple months. the linea nigra is still there but fading slowly. oh and that beautiful, thick pregnancy hair that everyone loves? yea, that started falling out in huge chunks around 2 months postpartum. i now clog the shower drain about every other day.

one more bonus? oh the lovely lines around my eyes that make me look super awake and chipper at 5am as i'm getting my ass ready for work. i'm just waiting for the gray hairs to sprout and complete the look.

but it is all so worth it. that's what everyone says, right? well, it's true. i'm fine with my body and proud of everything it's done.