i can't believe we'll be saying goodbye to 2012 tomorrow and welcoming a new foosa in just a few weeks.
our birth plan has taken a very strange turn though.
we haven't been having the best experience with the homebirth midwives we chose. we actually still haven't even had appointments with either of the delivering midwives. we've been seeing either student midwives or the brand new "midwife" who is my age and was just licensed a few months ago. absolutely not the care we signed up for. but everyone was nice and the appointments seemed thorough so i didn't panic.
i did start requesting to see one of the delivering midwives though and each time, they would guarantee my appointment would be with one of them and then we would show up to find it wasn't.
i emailed them both my concerns a couple weeks ago and never heard back. my anxiety about our homebirth decision started to build and i found myself reading a horror homebirth story where the midwife was terribly inexperienced and it led to the death of the baby. i needed someone with years of experience to tell me not to worry, that she knows the signs and has dealt with tough deliveries before. that we were in good hands.
so we show up friday for our 34 week appointment (another one guaranteed to be with one of the midwives) and it still wasn't. i tried emailing them one more time before calling - just to get my whole story out and request we all sit down together and finally meet - and the response i received was disappointing to say the least.
they said my expectations to have appointments with them didn't align with their practice. that they couldn't guarantee when i would see them - if at all before the delivery. and they requested i leave their practice and find other care.
find other care. weeks before this baby is due. after we've already paid them a huge chunk of money.
i couldn't sleep that night. i've head a headache all weekend and i've slipped into a complete state of panic and anxiety.
do we quickly hunt down another midwife who could flake out on us as well? pay her another chunk of our savings account?
then i wonder if this is a sign we're meant to be at the hospital - the hospital i've been fighting this whole time. and really, what am i fighting? maybe my homebirth plans are ridiculous. maybe they're not in our best interest. maybe i'm an idiot for putting us through all this frustration. for believing in this model of personalized care. for believing it's better.
i'm discouraged. i don't want to have this baby in a puddle of anxiety. i'm watching all my perfect visions of peacefully birthing this baby in my bathtub getting flushed right down the drain. i don't have the time to make the right decision - i thought i already made it.
maybe i'll put my tail between my legs and go back to the OBs who delivered liam. maybe i'll just show up to the hospital on the big day and hope for the best.
after all the anxiety i was having over this pregnancy - this is definitely one hurdle i never saw coming.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can only begin to imagine your frustration and disappointment in this matter. Perhaps you don't care about my opinion, but I'm going to share it anyways. As I was reading I kept thinking to myself that maybe this was God's way of keeping your LO safe. Maybe not. Maybe it's just a bunch of BS that people you trusted are putting you through the ringer. Either way Erin, I think you should do what feels right to you. It's hard making decisions for yourself, let alone your unborn baby but in the end you have to do what you thing is best. {i'm currently struggling with the vac/no vac decision-- claire didn't receive her 2 mo vacs and i'm thinking she won't get the 4 mos either so i can somewhat understand your mindset.}
ReplyDeleteI'll say a prayer in hopes that God would direct you in the right direction.
In the meantime, are there any OB offices with MW? My MW worked with OBs and she was fantastic. I don't think I'd go any other after my first experience.
Sorry for the novel, I hope you feel confident in whatever you choose!
thanks for your support :)
DeleteOhh and sooo glad you had a wonderful christmas :)
ReplyDeleteMerry belated Christmas and happy new year to you all!
I'm so sorry you are going through that. That is horrible that they would treat you like that! Your the mother of this child and all you want is what's best for your baby and if that means they meet with you, then they should. You should get your money back. I wish you luck and I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteHmm-anyway you can put out feelers, say through FB, a mass e-mail? I delivered both babies at a hospital and I don't regret it, but I have issues that, still-3 years later, I bring up with my husband and OB. I found out I'm spontaneously pregnant (as oppose to IVF like my first 2) and those emotions have all come to the surface as I begin to think about what decisions I want to make, what I'll most likely choose and have to consequently deal with. I really admire your courage to choose to leave your OB and go forward with a homebirth. I think it's amazing, and I think you know that if you would have an experienced midwife things would probably work out. I ALWAYS catch my thoughts and think-oh is that G-ds way of telling me ___? There's no way to know, I think you should take some time to think about it, maybe simultaneously search out new midwives and your old OB and see what kind of conclusion you can draw from that. Best of luck, and definitely keep us posted!
ReplyDeletewww.myroseamongthorns.blogspot.com
congratulations on your pregnancy :) i hope you're able to have the birth you want this time.
DeletePicture your most perfect birth scenario and go for it. If that's a homebirth, give yourself a deadline to find a new one. In the meantime, call your old OB and make an appointment with them and explain the situation. If that appointment comes and you have no leads for a homebirth option, go with your OB.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, you're going to need to figure out if the idea of the perfect birth has now become more important than anything else. I hope that makes sense. But maybe you're idea has become too big for the current circumstances and you need to reasses priorities. If that means having to go to your OB, then put your foot down as much as you need to to get the hospital birth you want.
I hope that made sense. Regardless, that baby will be here soon and that moment when you first meet eyes is going to make every worry you have right now seem silly.
thanks so much for your advice. i'm absolutely one of those people who gets caught up in a particular plan and has a very hard time adjusting when plans suddenly change.
DeleteI am sorry that you are dealing with this and as I read this I was feeling disappointed and frustrated for you. I am shocked that you have been treated this way by people you put so much faith in and the trusted with the health of your baby and yourself during this pregnancy. I dont have any advice of my own but I think that cruelsound had some great thoughts. Good luck and I hope that things come together and you can go through the rest of this pregnancy relaxed and with peace of mind.
ReplyDeletethank you :)
DeleteWow, I'm sorry. Honestly, if that is the way they have been treating you I wouldn't really want them delivering my baby anyway. It doesn't sound like the personalized service you have been craving. I hope you are able to find what you are looking for and can head into your delivery with peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteYikes how frustrating! Are there any OBs in your area that work with midwives? I know it's pretty common in my area to have a natural birth in the hospital with a midwife who advocates for the birth experience you want. Could you maybe put it out on facebook looking for some recommendations? I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I'll keep you and foosa #2 in our thoughts and prayers over the next 6+ weeks!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that this happened! I would def try and get some sort of reimbursement. Especially if none of this was stated in their policy about who you would see. I do want to add though that I had a natural birth in a hospital and it was wonderful. I know it's not what you want to do. I will be going back to the same hospital for the new baby as well. They have a water birth room they just built so it will be like at home in my tub. Are there any hospitals around your area with that option? Good luck with everything and I know something will work out.
ReplyDeleteI'm shocked that a midwife practice would act this way! It is crazy for you to have not met your delivering midwives by week 34. That just does not fit in with the midwife model. So sorry that you have to deal with this. I hope you can get some reimbursement and find a situation that works for you and your family. How disappointing!
ReplyDeleteHoly cow. Your plans aren't ridiculous, the care you recieved has been ridiculous. You have definitely done your best to make the relationship with your midwives work. I am so, so sorry, I know you must be reeling.
ReplyDeleteI hope after you deliver your sweet new baby youfollow up and take action to get your money back from these charlatains.
You have time to find a good fit, find a replacement, find an alternative. And if you don't you have the experience and determination to ahve the kind of birth you want in a hospital.
One way or another there will be a resolution. I hope you find it soon.
I want to go all Russian on these midwives! That shouldn't be the way they do things. What a bummer you have to deal with this so soon to delivery! Go with your gut and things will flow. Sending peaceful thoughts your way!
ReplyDeletethanks, svetlana :)
DeleteOMG!!! I am soooo sorry that this had to happen to you and I am mad!
ReplyDeleteHow can someone call themselves a midwife, yet treat you like that?!?
Seriously.
I pray that you can find some peace of mind about it all and try to "relax" before the baby arrives.
I'm so sorry you are faced with this at the end of your pregnancy. I'm sure you will come up with a resolution, and in the meantime, I'll keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers that you can find someone with little to no headache and worrying.
ReplyDeleteAw mama, I'm so sorry. You can have the birth you want in the hospital, I just know it. You have to be firm and your strong enough to do so. It is possible! The birth experience is important but it will seem trivial when that baby is in your arms and its all said and done. What matters is the baby is healthy and ok and in your arms in the end. How he or she got there will seem like peanuts compared to the content feeling that they are out and ok.
ReplyDeleteNot to brush off what experience you want isn't important at all. Just trying to give a perspective.
dude- not cool. i'm so sorry you're dealing with this crap right now. i really don't have many suggestions- i'm all about hospitals & drugs (pain & i don't get along - ha)- but you should be able to have the birth you've envisioned.
ReplyDeleteif you like the midwives you've currently seen & the head midwives have good reviews, would you be comfortable staying the course..?
my fingers are crossed that you'll get it all settled soon!
thank you! i really appreciate your support and understanding of my crazy birth wishes. i agree that all mamas should be able to achieve their desired birth - drugs or bathtubs :)
DeleteOh Erin, I am so sorry. I've been on a bit of a break and I am getting caught up. I hate that this is all going south. I know how much this meant to you. I hope that you can have a really great hospital birthing experience, and I know you will because as long as you and foosa 2.0 get to the other side safe and sound then it's all good. Either way I know how much that sucks and how much you've been looking forward to this. here's to a happy healthy and joyous last six weeks of pregnancy and a beautiful baby on the other end.
ReplyDeletethank you :) i really appreciate the kind words and i'm definitely moving into acceptance and realization that the birth was getting a little bigger for me than the baby i'll get out of it ;)
DeleteI'm wondering if there even ARE head midwives. Maybe they live a few hours away and are cited just for show, and the inexperienced and student midwives really deliver everyone? Have you talked to anyone who has used these midwives and met the experienced ones?
ReplyDeletethere are...they're local and give a great song and dance at their info sessions to attract moms like myself. one even offered to stop at our house on her way home for appointments as she lives just a few miles from us (ha!). seems they're getting too big though too quickly and can't handle it, so they're pushing the majority of the work off on their junior staff. I have read wonderful reviews of the two head midwives from mamas who delivered not long ago - it's just grown that quickly.
DeleteWell, that's less shady than what I was wondering might be the case, but it is still really unsafe. If they can't handle the caseload then they need to be turning women away. Are these CPMs?
DeleteI agree they should be turning moms away to guarantee the service they're advertising to a number they can actually handle. yes, they're cpms. and I agree, it seems that it's getting unsafe with the amount of inexperience mixed with that volume. i'm glad we're out, still just upset it happened.
DeleteHow awful! I'm so sorry. I have had a little bit of trepidation for the last few weeks, with some of these questions (am I getting the care I'm paying for?, etc), but I've kind of chalked it up to feeling over-cared-for in the medical model last time, KWIM? Totally different from your case, which sounds just crazy. Can't believe that asked you to leave. Sounds like they needed to cut down their number of cases, and you just stuck out because of your persistent questioning.
ReplyDelete