i'm pro-breastfeeding.
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| photo by ali caudill |
and that doesn't make me anti-formula.
i did make a decision of how i wanted to feed my kids. it was the right decision for me and for them. i'm proud of my decision. and i'll support other mamas who make that same choice.
does that mean i'm sitting here, giving a giant finger to all the formula feeders?
heck no.
so i'm sick of this finger pointing that being pro-breastfeeding means i'm automatically anti-formula.
is it possible to choose a side of the fence and support others on that same side without being accused of flinging shit at the other?
make your own decisions. be proud of them. stand behind them and support others who share your beliefs. but stop taking down the other side. and don't accuse me of taking down your side just because i'm peacefully standing on the other.
i understand and agree that we're all just feeding our babies and any mama is a good mama who does so. but let's be honest - there are two choices here and one was designed as a backup. does choosing one make the other a horribly wrong choice for all who choose it? i really don't think so.
you're allowed to choose your path and know it's right. so allow me the same.
there's a study that just came out.
it looked at a group of breastfed vs formula kids and the breastfed kids ranked higher in the different areas (IQ, overall health, etc etc, same story as many other studies). but then they took a subset of the breastfed kids and measured them against their formula-fed sibling and there were nearly no differences in the two.
so instead of looking at all the other factors here that produce long-term health and intelligence outcomes, they jumped straight to the conclusion that breastfeeding has zero benefit over formula.
this is an awesome article that outlines the holes in the study.
now i don't bring this to my blog to wave my finger and say don't you dare say formula is just as good as breastmilk. but i will wave my finger and say how dare you say breastfeeding has no benefit?
i posted a link to the article on my fb page and was immediately attacked for being anti-formula.
even though i don't find the conclusion of that study to be valid for all the reasons in the article i just linked, i'm under no delusion that a formula baby and breastfed baby can't grow up to be just as healthy and just as intelligent. i don't think women breastfeed for the sole purpose of boosting their child's IQ a few points. you can't nurse a baby for two years then sit them in front of a tv with a big mac for the rest of their childhood and expect them to be any healthier or smarter than a kid who was formula fed and then lived a healthier lifestyle.
there are too many factors that go into child raising. there are too many battles that can be made out of nothing. can't we all stop dancing around the question of who's making the better decision? breastmilk and formula are two very different substances. i believe the short-term benefits of breastmilk are unmatched - i give it full credit as to why neither of my kids have ever suffered more than a cold. but that statement wasn't formula is poison. it was breastmilk is pretty amazing. there's no argument to be had.
i think that feeding and caring for your baby makes you a good mother. i support you if you breastfeed your baby because i'm on that side of the fence. i think it's amazing and comes with a long list of benefits to both mama and baby. i'm not on the formula side but that doesn't mean i think you are doing a bad job if you are. stand behind your choice and don't accuse me of taking you down because i made a different one.
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| more gems from ali |
Good post, I am tired of always having to defend my decision when I just want to say how well they work for me. I don't think what I choose will be best for the next mom, but why do I always have to say I am not judging other decisions just because I choose another one?
ReplyDeletethank you!
DeleteCan you share this concept with all the politicians? Why is it so hard for us to act like grown ups about being parents? We have a difficult time being parents as it stands now... why do we criticize each other for making choices that we believe to be the best for our little ones?
ReplyDeletelol :)
Deletei love your posts! i applaud every mother for however they choose to feed their babies. sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work, it didn't with my first, but i was able to with my second. was i sad i formula fed my first? yes. did i think i was better than formula fed mothers because i was able to nurse my second? no. you do what you can and what's best for your family and i'm at peace with those choices that i made. let's just all get along, shall we?! beautiful pictures you have!!
ReplyDeletethank you :)
Deletethat's awesome you were able to nurse your second - do you mind sharing what you did differently that made it work? I have a couple friends who also ended up formula feeding their first and are pregnant with their second and asking advice on how to make it work.
I love this. Perfectly stated. I'm very passionate about breastfeeding too, and a few new moms have asked me for advice lately regarding nursing their newborns. I always feel like I have to defend myself by saying, "I'm not anti-formula, I'm just pro-breastfeeding and this is just what worked for us..." or some similar statement because I don't want them to feel like I will judge them if they don't breastfeed. I hate feeling that way, but I feel like so many people just assume that proud breastfeeding moms and advocates are also terribly judgmental to those moms that formula feed. It isn't always true. But then again, I'm judged for nursing my toddler (and was judged for nursing his toddler older brother when I was pregnant). It seems that no matter how people choose to parent there's always judgment. It's maddening. Thanks for this post.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a very strange line of showing irritation with the system for pushing formula so early as soon as there's a struggle with breastfeeding - there are far too many road blocks to make breastfeeding successful for all. but showing that irritation with the system and the super pushy formula companies yet also letting mamas who end up formula feeding know that we don't think they're a giant failure or are any way doing a better job than they…that is a very tough message "i don't judge you, i judge the very flawed system". all i really want to do is help every mama achieve a wonderful nursing relationship - after experiencing it myself, i do feel bad for anyone who doesn't have that same privilege…that doesn't mean i think badly of them though if they can't do it. man, preaching to the choir here. sorry for the ramble :) thanks for your comment! how old was your toddler? i'm crossing my fingers to nurse eliot until 2…my supply crashed with my first when i got pregnant.
DeleteYes. I like that quote. It's too bad that moms don't see the flawed system as much as they see people judging THEM for formula feeding without lack of breastfeeding support. I've seriously considered becoming an IBCLC after my babies get a bit bigger because I've just loved it that much and there's such a need for more support. It certainly didn't come easy for us-- I had recurring plugged ducts, mastitis twice, milk blebs, bleeding/pain, etc. But I was determined to make it work, and I had found excellent resources that helped me succeed. I would love to help others in the same way. I'm glad to see there are so many that agree. :)
DeleteJack was 14 months when I got pregnant (we have the exact same stories-- pregnant my first cycle postpartum so NO way of knowing a due date). I nursed him until about 5 days shy of his 19 month birthday. I was about 22 weeks with Henry. He was down to just once a day for awhile, and he suddenly just refused. I offered several more times for about another week, and he kept refusing so I knew we were done. It was the easiest transition and I never dealt with any engorgement. I'm hoping it can go just as smoothly this time. Henry's nursing about twice a day now, and I want to at least make it until 18 months (this summer), but then we plan try for baby #3 and we'll just see what happens after that.
I was nervous though because I was half way into my pregnancy and was faced with the question of weaning or possibly tandem nursing. I was definitely okay with that but was unsure how Jack would feel emotionally with sharing me with a sibling. Thankfully I didn't need to make that choice and Jack made it for us. I was also very fortunate with a pediatrician (and husband) that was totally on board with any choice I made. Finding the right support is so so so important.
wow! that's amazing how super similar our experiences have been! do you have a blog? it doesn't take me anywhere when I click on your name. let me know! i'm also in the middle of trying to decide if i could serve better as a doula/lactation consultant/ or bradley instructor and start training to get down one of those paths. i'm actually starting to film births for my video business this summer so i'm excited to see where that will take me!
DeleteI do keep a blog, but it's more of a scrapbook of pictures and details of our days than anything. I've kept it private just because it doesn't tell of anything interesting... just pictures of my kids and stuff about them. Only family reads it, but I can send you the link if you're interested. I got a little overwhelmed when baby #2 came along and I have a hard time keeping up with it. I guess I don't know how else to keep our lives documented since people don't use printed photo albums anymore. :) I need to find a better way.
DeleteThat's awesome you're thinking of those paths. I'd definitely take your advice for an unmedicated birth. I had wonderful births with both my boys (both medicated), but I've thought about doing an unmedicated birth for round 3, since it may be our last. Actually, I thought about it with my other two also, but I just never could commit. However, with Henry I had a very quick labor and my epidural wasn't placed until I was at 7 cm (less than an hour after arriving at the hospital)... and 90 minutes later he was born. My OB let my husband deliver him since he's a doctor at the same hospital. That was pretty awesome for both of us that he was the one that got to place Henry on my chest. With how quickly I labored and delivered, I think I could've done it without the epidural. I really was able to control the pain with breathing and humming and was shocked to even know I was that far along when I was checked.
Filming births has to be an amazing experience! I'd love to have that done. I've also thought about having our photographer do birth day delivery. I think those pictures are just so precious. Again, since we may not have more than 3, I'd love those pictures. Good luck to you!
Yes. Yes. Yes. That is all.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteThank You.
ReplyDeleteI loved breastfeeding and miss it. That being said, it was relatively easy for me, I had tons of support, yadda yadda. I also didn't have to go right back to work.
I have a good friend who really wanted to BF. She had some initial issues, then once she got past them, things went great, but then she had to go back to work. She had to make the hard choice: did she pump, and then have a longer work day as a result to get all her work done (and thus missing out on time with her baby in the evenings), or FF and go home at a reasonable hour?
She chose formula, and I know it was hard for her. It's not easy for everyone.
So I have an interesting position on this. I am currently nursing #3. #1 and #2 were IVF, #3 was spontaneous, but medically challenged and I had to undergo 12 weeks of IVIG. With the first two, I exclusively breastfed-sure, I put in the effort. Pumping every 2-3 hours, gave up my lunch socializing for about a year, woke up in the middle of the night sometimes. But it worked-and I was actually overproducing, so I was cool with that. It wasn't the easiest, but it was cheap, and healthy, and it worked for us.
ReplyDeleteComes #3, my first actual maternity leave (with the first two I was in graduate school, so no real break) and from the get go my milk production was down. I sometimes think I didn't start pumping early enough, but I kno that's not true at all. It's all about demand-and I was definitely demanding it, but still, I never produced enough while I was away. I was unhappy with giving her formula, but I didn't have a choice. I met with a lactation consultant who has seen me through all 3 of my births and nursing careers, and we added in 18 pills of blessed thistle and fenugreek, along with 100 oz of water a day, and mothers milk tea. Bottom line is, I wasn't producing enough while I was away, and my body did not pick up with her nursing demands. So at almost 7 months, she wants at least 5 oz, and even when I am home nursing her-I often end up offering a couple oz of formula.
The lactation consultant said a few things: she said that this was a very different pregnancy from my other two. The number one cause of decreased milk supply is bedrest, and although I wasn't on bedrest, I did have a traumatic pregnancy and this could be a result. It could also be that I can't, mentally, handle 3 kids, working full time, running a house, and produce enough milk for my biggest eater.
And you know what? Once I accepted this-that no matter what, formula will be involved, because it has to be-I felt free.
I still nurse her first before offering a bottle.
She still prefers me to the bottle.
I can wear dresses now.
I'm not the only one who can feed her, so I have some new found freedom that way.
I never thought I would be in this position-since it worked so well before. But, it really is ok.
wow! that's one incredible journey and amazing fight! i can't even imagine how you work with three babies - my hat is off to you! i'm very happy to hear you've found peace with what you've had to do and know you're doing the very best you can! :)
DeleteLove this so very much. I exclusively breastfed my 1st daughter for 15 months until she up and stopped one day and I hope that I can have a similar experience with my 2nd daughter (due in June). However, I am aware that every baby is different and I will do whatever it takes to make sure she gets the nutrition she needs. Yes, I'm a cloth diapering, pro-breastfeeding Momma but I do not look down on other mommas who formula feed and use disposeables. Do you care for your baby, that's all that matters to me. I love your posts, we are always on the same page. :)
ReplyDeletethat's awesome :) congrats on your upcoming birth! and best wishes!
DeleteTotally agree! I am always afraid someone is going to get defensive when I share my parenting choices (even if they ask!) I am still breastfeeding Maggie (at 2.5), we cloth diapered, no screen time (to very limited now) and whenever I say one of those things someone unfortunately feels judged for not doing the same. It's a shame we can't just be proud of our choices and love our kids.
ReplyDeletethat's amazing you're still nursing her!! :)
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