excitement

if i had to sum up my second pregnancy in one word, i think it would be "anxiety".

it was a surprise - my first period since being pregnant with liam and we were both shocked that it happened so soon. i wasn't done enjoying just having one sweet babe - and an easy babe at that. we took him on so many trips, sat at wineries while he just chilled and smiled at us, jogged 8+ miles with him while he slept away or happily watched the world pass us. life was so good.

and suddenly is was so different. so i was scared and anxious about this curve ball. and while she turned out to be feisty and the exact opposite of my first sweet babe, she was perfect and fell into our lives as though she'd always been there. if i could have fast forwarded my life three years during that pregnancy, i would have seen that this was the perfect plan and beautiful timing. i just couldn't see it then. i can't imagine life right now without two little best friends adventuring through our days right beside me.

this time is so different though. i'm excited. so, so very excited. perhaps it's because i already have these two little buddies who are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their tiny baby.

or maybe it's because we found out what we're having this time (it's a girl!) and that's helped me bond even stronger and faster than when we left it a surprise last time. maybe it's our amazing midwife this time and feeling comforted knowing we're finally going to have that homebirth i've been dreaming about. or knowing this is most likely our last baby and the very last time i'll share my body with a teeny babe - holding them and knowing them first before the world and being very aware of how much i need to savor and enjoy these quick 40ish weeks.

we're already at week 22 and now that the weather is getting nicer and we're spending our days outside, life is suddenly in hyper speed. and as much as i can't wait to hold this little girl, kiss her cheeks and watch liam and eliot soak her in alongside us, i'm already scared of how much faster life will go once she's on the outside. once she smiles for the first time then outgrows her summer rompers and bonnets and i know the tears will stream down my face and i'll probably plead with will just one more. but i know that cycle would go on forever.

so i'll enjoy and be grateful for this babe. for these short 18 weeks remaining. and everything in store after that